Common Courtesy: Missing in Action

Common courtesy seems to have overslept this morning. It certainly wasn’t in the lift. Fortunately, bad manners were up bright and early.

Ding!

There I stood, balancing a generously proportioned breakfast tray, waiting for the hotel lift doors¹ to open so I could return to my room.

Ding!

The doors parted to reveal a gentleman standing directly in front of me, arms overflowing with an assortment of belongings. There we stood, face to face, on what was apparently about to become the battlefield of common courtesy. I looked at him. He looked at me.

“Excuse me, sir,” I suggested with a friendly smile, “it might be helpful if you let me off first. Then you can enter.”

His reply? “What’s your problem, mate? Just get off the fu* * *ing lift!”

An intriguing proposition, given that he occupied practically the entire doorway. Squeezing past him on either side was out of the question. Climbing over him hardly seemed the gentlemanly thing to do. Crawling between his legs, given his modest stature, was also quite out of the question. Straight ahead? Only if I fancied wearing my breakfast.

After some rather undignified manoeuvring, I eventually escaped, breakfast intact, while behind me he continued delivering what sounded like an extensive masterclass in German profanity that would have made even a seasoned Berlin taxi driver blush. Quite impressive, really, considering how little we’d actually said to one another.

The Greatest Gap of All

We put signs everywhere.

Please allow passengers to exit before boarding.
Give up your seat to someone who needs it more.
Mind the gap.

Yet perhaps the greatest gap of all is between knowing how to behave properly and actually doing so.

We can teach etiquette, explain courtesy and prescribe appropriate behaviour. But can we teach consideration? Can we legislate common sense? Perhaps the real problem is that some people have never even considered that the world actually doesn’t revolve around them.

A Matter of Manners

Chivalry may be old-fashioned. Good manners, apparently, are optional. But allowing someone to leave a lift, a train or the Tube before entering should hardly require a university degree or a government directive.

Courtesy is not about knowing which fork to use at dinner. It is about recognising that we share this world with others. Sometimes, all it takes is one small gesture.

It’s the 21st Century. We have mastered the art of transporting ourselves between floors, across continents and even to the Moon. Yet for all the barriers we’ve overcome, we still struggle with the everyday art of extending common courtesy to our fellow human beings.

Somewhere along the way, our manners missed the connection.

1. picture (c) Studio Rectangle (Lons-le-Saunier) ↩